Hmmm. I know this post seems a little late. but...









I SCREWED MY COMMON TEST!



...




shit



Boy. Today was quite a day for me. It started out like every other school holiday, spending most of my time on my computer and occasionally studying for 1-3 hours. Then, my mum brought home the newspaper for today. She showed me the article in which a university grad who died recently because of playing too much computer games that resulted in some sickness. I was. damn shocked. and scared. From the newspaper article, i realise some of the symptons i felt recently was quite similar to wat was written. I panicked. My parents panicked too. My parents called me for a prayer in the living room. It was just like any other prayers every morning before i go to sch. Except that, now, my mum was crying as she prayed for me. And it just hit me hard tat instant.

Throughout my life, i'd always thought my parents didnt care for me, not even a little. At some point of time, i even thought that, i wasnt really their child, perhaps i was just some baby they adopted from some orphanage. I felt extreme guilt and remorse. Maybe it wasnt that my parents didnt care for me enough. Maybe it was just me, denying their right into my life, shutting them out completely. Sigh. Dad and mum, im really sorry for all these years. The times when i hollered at you guys, slammed the door shut in ur face, or simply just ignored every little conversation u attempted to start with me. I had been a really really terrible child. And for that, im really really sorry. I know no amount of sorrys can compensate on the hurt that i caused you guys to go through. Thus, i promise from today onwards, i will spend lesser time on my computer, and spend more time talking and going out with you guys. Please give me another chance to prove it to you guys ok?


It aint just my parents whom i neglected after getting addicted to my computer. My friends, church, my favourite sport basketball, had all been dumped aside because of my addiction to the computer. Because of my addiction to my computer, even when my friends asked me out, i will always tell them im busy although in actual fact, i just wanted to play my computer games. To those friends whom i pangseh-ed these years, im really sorry. Things will change alright? i promise.

I too had missed out on my church life after getting addicted. The addiction got so bad that i had missed church for like the entire of this year. People from church had constantly reminded me to go for fellowships again and again, but i just refused to heed their words. Guys, im really sorry for pangseh-ing u all in church. I promise i will start going regularly for church every saturday alright? Starting from tomorrow, the jie mei zhou =)


I used to play basketball for at least 5 hours every day from pri 6 to sec 2. After getting addicted to my computer, i began to spend lesser and lesser time on my favourite sport. Those were the days when i cant spend even a day without playing basketball. Sigh. I realise how much my fitness and stamina suffered after quiting basketball for sucha long time. Although i may not have the luxury to play basketball 5 hours a day every single day now, i will cut down on the time i spend on my computer, and exercise more regularly like i used to in the past.


Sigh. It sure feels good confiding in my blog once again. I promise from this very day, 1st june 2007, i will spend lesser time on my computer, to treat my parents much much nicer than before, to communicate nicely with them, to spend more time going out with my friends, to go to church more regularly, and to spend more time playing basketball.

God, thanks for giving me the chance to live to this very day, despite the fact that i too had spend countless of hours in front of my com every single day. I will cherish the life u had given me more from now on, on more meaningful things in life. Im really sorry for neglecting my life because of my computer. I will live my life the way u want me to do so Lord. Amen.


Well. I shall end off here for now. My apologies for yet another long and dry post. Cya around guys. =)



"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong, good and bad, truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable? Left to interpretation, gray? Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth... transform it... because we are faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes, things simply catch up to us." quoted from the voiceover by lucas in one tree hill season 4 x 18, the finale for season 4!

Aint one tree hill quotes just make ya ponder over the things that happens through your life?


Lately, its been really shitty and a real bummer to go to school every single day. With hardly any motivation at all, its tough having to survive a whole full day of crap in school. Sigh. Things had been pretty bad ever since the start of term 2. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction and im just totally lost once again. Its not that i dun wanna open up to the rest of the class, its just that i cant do it no matter how much i try to. I guess i just need more time to interact with the rest of the class. Its nearing the end of the term soon and im seriously dreading the upcoming hols as it only means that i HAVE to start mugging real hard for the common tests right after the sch hols. Man, this gonna be the longgggggggggessssssttttt june hols ever. Well, not that i have a choice anw.


I seriously dont understand why am i being treated this way. Cant we be friends like we were before? Why does things have to change just because u know about the truth. I aint sure that you even really know about the truth but i just presume u do from the attitude i had been getting from ya for the past few weeks, perhaps even months.

And to YOU, seriously, stop treating as if im invisible. I thought we could have become pretty decent friends via the things we had shared with each other before u started ignoring me like nobody's business. It just hurts like fuck the way we are now. Cant we just talk to each other again? Is it really that hard for ya to do that again? Sigh. Stop ignoring me alright? Life's been a bitch and it aint gonna be any better till i get ya back where i can talk to you again. So please, dont ignore me anymore alright?


Anw guys, i know no one ever read my blog again due to the lack of posts most of the time but yeah, sorry for another frustarted, emo, angry post. I nid this place for me to rant before i burst one day. Sigh. Im off to bed. Gd night everyone.



I was going to blog like on my birthday but i couldnt as blogger was giving me problems as usual. so yeah. here i am now.

For the past few days, as my birthday draws near, i had a niggling feeling inside me that this was going to be the worst birthday ever. I had absolutely no idea why the heck i was feeling this way, but yeah, it was just some weird feeling that i had.
Today was the fifth of May. I was bumming around the house as usual, playing the com and watching teeeveeeee. Had a short nap from roughly 4-7? When i woke up at 7pm, BOY. Was i damn shocked. Right in the living room, there was like...at least 15-20 ppl from church???!!! Hell. I got the shock of my life. I was still clad in my sji pe shirt and shorts when most of them saw me la. It was quite paiseh, i must say. lol. Had a quick change, and my birthday celebrations began. We started singing some church hyymmmss and just sat around, kinda catching on with some of them whom i haven seen in ages. Had a really nice talk in my room with peeps from my batch. It was great seeing them again and it was just like how kinda close we were in the past. Was kinda surprised and sad when i was told that most of the peeps from my batch had hidden gone MIA ( just like me =x ) or they had changed to other churches. Sigh. And yeah, i got taupok by i tink 7 guys or more? couldnt really count as i got slammed to the ground pretty quickly after my mum warned the guys that my bed cant really hold too many ppl. Man, it was like...@$%@)$^($@)^(@^)@! The total weight of the guys could have amount to at least 500kg? HAHAHAHA. But it was alright i guess. =DDD

And guys, sorry for not really getting that high with the rest of you cause i was totally and i mean TOTALLY damn shocked throughout the whole birthday celebrations. My mum kept it from me for the whole day till you guys came to my house. Thanks alot for the cards and bball attire! I was honestly quite touched after reading through the cards. =) Thanks for the dumb-bell too ( weiwen, shuhan, chenwei ). Though im pretty sure im strong enough to lift a dumb-bell heavier than 1kg. LOL. Am i tat weak to u guys. wth. hahahahaha. Thanks to all who had made my birthday celebrations so meaningful and memorable. For once, perhaps, this could be the birthday, that i will remember for a very very very long time =)))

Anw, sorry for not going to church for sucha longgggggggggggggggggggggggg time. I kinda lost the motivation to go church anymore. BUT! i will be back realllllllll soon i promise! and this time for gd! But that will be like another 2 weeks at least till i get my new contact lens. So yeah, bear with me awhile longer k! Thanks man =D





Today was a fucking shit day. period. Was pissed off throughout the whole day cause of certain reasons. Got even more pissed at the end of the day. zzz. horrible day. Lets hope tomorrow will be a better day. How cliche hur. Sigh.


On a sidenote, as i was emo-ing and stoning on the bus cause of the shitty stuff tat happened the day be4 and today, many thoughts went rushing through my mind as i listened to the songs be yourself by Audioslave and I dont want to be ( One Tree Hill theme song ) by Gavin Degraw. Many a times in life, most of us had tried our very best to be the person other people expect us to be. But who are we really deep inside? ME in class today was extremely boring, but coincidentally ( i guess ), we were discussing about the person we really are. As i remembered when i was young, i was an extremely hyperactive young kid during primary school. I recalled the countless times that my teacher had to ask me to shut up and sit down every single day during lessons. I was the joker and the "kai xin guo" of the class during pri 1-4. But towards pri 5-6, i became kinda introvert. What caused the change? Till now, i dont really have a clear idea of how and what made me change to who am i now. Ever since then, i always had really really really low confidence in every single thing. As i grown to become more self aware of myself, i tried my best to change from the nerdy-looking me to the okay-looking guy i am now. As my looks change for the better ( i hope ), my inner self didnt change at all. Not even a single bit. As such, i like to keep things to myself, sitting down at 1 side daydreaming, or just plain stoning.


So who am i really? Deep inside, am i the outspoken, friendly, chatty person i am when i was a young kid? Or am i the emotional, easily depressed, quiet, or maybe a loner? Sigh. I will never know for sure, will i? I was asked quite some thing ago, something about ur "ben xing". So wats my "ben xing" really? If they say u can never change ur "ben xing", then why am i who i am now. Why arent i the happy-go-lucky kid as i was before? Argggh. This question had been running through my mind for the whole of today. And the matter that made me so pissed and upset didnt helped much at all. Man, it sure feels a little better after ranting all the shit out. Ahhh!


Guys, sorry for such a random and boring and dumb post after not updating for such a long while. I...just didnt know what to write. Things in life just aint going smoothly as i hoped it will. Sigh. Alright. Shant ponder over these senseless stuff and go to bed now. Gd night everyone. Toodles.



Its official. The 2nd intake class posting was out today. And it was damn freaking disappointing. None of my cg mates who took back the same combi now are in the same class with me. NONE. Sigh. This just sucks big time. As such, i was in a pretty bad and grumpy mood throughout the whole day. Though i had expected her to be in a different class from me, i thought that i will be in the same class again with at least a few of them who didnt do as well as her. But. This wasnt the case afterall.

I guess thats that then. Nothing can be changed anymore. Just hafta accept the fact that this is final and thats nothing i can do about it. Sigh. Although the first 3 months was short, i had a really enjoyable time just being with you guys. Samantha, Alicia, Chelza, Michelle, Xingyi, Tammy, Ruiqi, Quanjun, Joel, Sherwin, Jiahan and the rest of cg07s26, lets keep in touch even after we split classes k. Lets not forget the times we talk cock in the cafe, looking at guys -.-" and gerls too, playing cards together ( though we got caught =x ), playing basketball =D, and the few fun cg outings that we had. =)

Lastly, wish ya all the best for the upcoming terms as it aint gonna be so laidback compared to what you guys had experienced during the first intake. Study hard yeah! Take care and cya peeps around school =)



I FINISHED WATCHING 119 EPISODES OF BLEACH IN 5 DAYS! WOOO =x

mingli saints seventeen 16/05/1989 Loves basketball

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